I have lived in numerous countries and towns as a mother, so I have been a member of a number of “Mums In ****” Facebook groups. Many entries I see in these (and Twitter) are a damning condemnation of how society treats women, even today in western countries (where we’ve been told we now have everything). Entries such as: we each have our own bank account but I’ve had to take a job with less hours that pays less per hour so I can be there for the children, but I also do the vast majority of the housework, then he won’t help me out with expenses I have and says “I should manage my money better” or “it’s not my fault you don’t earn as much as I do”. Ladies, this is men treating you like a slave, like property. He believes you should sacrifice everything to have HIS children but believes he should sacrifice nothing – DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH MEN LIKE THIS!!!!
Women’s rights have improved in many ways, we can now live in society and live a self sustained independent existence, we are now men’s properties…..officially, but we are still viewed in many ways and my too many men as property. We also need to see how the change of moral standards around commitment have negatively impacted women. There was a time men and women got married and it was expected he would look after his wife for the rest of her life. I don’t like the fact he owned her, that women couldn’t live independent lives, couldn’t have their own jobs (and when they did it was in support roles such as nurse, teacher and secretary, which paid pittance – because the were jobs done by women and women weren’t valued. It wasn’t until more men started becoming teachers that it started paying well) – BUT I do like the level of commitment that existed then, in Christian western societies anyway. Because once men and women have children those children need to be looked after, and this requires sacrifice. In days gone by men realised and respected this, they recognised that having children meant they had to sacrifice most of their salary to the raising of those children, and to sharing their income with their wives so they could run the household.
Society may now give women equal rights but morally still live in a society where many men view women as property, but without the commitment they may have towards a house they bought and plan to live in the rest of their lives, they now treat women like a car or iPhone, something they upgrade every 5-10 years when they get a little “worn in the tread”. And they increasingly expect women to look after their offspring with minimal effort or sacrifice from themselves, expecting women to not just look after children and do most of the housework, but to also work outside the home and earn money for the family. Women need to realise how we are being taken advantage of and push back. In Korea women are pushing back against the unfair way they are treated by refusing to get married and have children, however this is equally creating a culture of angry single men who assault women they believe are feminists (something we are also seeing in this country).
Meanwhile we have influential men like Elon Musk trying a scaremonger men and women into having more children:
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All while he himself has questionable involvement with them:
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It’s not just in the family dynamic we can see women being treated unfairly, the most obvious example of women being viewed as property is in the adult entertainment industry. Young women are viewed a saleable commodity, with misogynistic men like Andrew Tate boasting of making millions of groomed young girls and forcing them into sex work. For the record, sex work is not work, not only would that suggest unpaid sex in a form of charity but a job shouldn’t put someone at risk of disease and abuse as much as sex work does.
Sex creates offspring: new human beings with as many rights and potential as both their parents, and it should be respected as such. Creating a new human being ties you to another person for as long as that child lives, the ramifications of this should be taken seriously.
My Story
Before I had children I had a career, a career I studied and worked hard for for years to achieve. I was going to commit to children with my partner until he had committed to me and we had agreed to shared ownership of assets and earnings, with a shared bank account. But my husband was unsupportive in other ways, he spent most of the first 6 years of out children’s lives on a business trip for up to 2 weeks a month and working back until 10pm. “How lucky you are to have a husband that works so hard and can provide so well for his family” I hear many response to my complaints. Yes, it is good, but it would also be good if I could have done those things sometimes to advance my career. My husband would step up but most of the time our children needed someone to take them to doctor’s appointments this fell on me, my husband almost always had an important meeting or business trip that day.
I went back to work after having my first child, because I valued my career and my ability to be financially independent, however I now had to leave at 5pm everyday to pick up my son from daycare, this resulted in me not getting the same interesting jobs as my male colleagues. Because I was home early the demands of cooking and the bulk of the demands of cleaning fell on me. After I had my second child I only worked 3 days a week, because I couldn’t keep up with demands of working full time, looking after 2 children almost by myself and keeping on top of the housework and DIY (which I also did). This resulted in me spending my days in the office now editing other peoples work, I was no longer offered any interesting assignments. This resulted in me jumping at the chance to take other job when an ex colleague offered me a work from home contractor position, however after a couple of years he ended up closing his business.
I put off going immediately back to work, because part time jobs in my field don’t exist, and because then Covid happened. Once Covid finished and life settled down a bit I tried to re enter the workforce, as anything, mostly going to administration positions – of which there were many offered part time, only to be told “I’m too old”. I have years more experience and education now than I had in my 20’s yet no one wanted to hire me, because of my age. The way society treats women as disposable property has never been more keenly felt by me. And it’s not just me, I hear my story playing out of “Mums in ****” groups on a daily basis. In the support role I now find myself doing, and many of the volunteering positions I took to fill time while feeling unemployable, I have met many older women that are in the same position – nobody will hire us because we are old, used up, disposable. Added to this to complaint I’ve heard from employers in times passed about preferring to hire males “because women between 20-35 eventually get pregnant, and maternity leave is expensive and difficult to cover, then half of them don’t even want to come back to work at the end”. With women being treated by potential employers as either too old or too fertile I’m amazed women manage to enter the workforce at all.
Conclusion
Long story short: Children are wonderful but they are 18 year commitment that require time and money, do not have them unless you are willing to sacrifice for them, do not have them with anyone not willing to sacrifice as much as you are. Don’t have children with any man not willing to share his bank account and house deed with you, don’t take his word for it that this will be done after the children come along, if it’s not done before you get pregnant than get it in writing – signed and notarised – that it will be done after the children are born. Look after yourself, make smart decisions that protect yourself and your children. Don’t get involved with men because they are rich, rich doesn’t mean he’ll provide for you (just look at the example of the richest man in the world). Get married to someone who will be your partner not provider, who will view you as a partner not property.