Most women I know, especially most Christian women I know, want to get married and have children, the church encourages this, women grow up feeling like it’s their Christian duty. Some Christian women have even married non Christians because they are worried about being ‘left on the shelf’ (this is a horrible thing to do to yourself and your children – don’t do this!). But why?
Jesus said
“For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.” (Matthew 19:12 NIV)
Why, therefore, does the church and other Christians encourage men and women to get married and have children? Is it to avoid sexual immorality? Does the church have so little faith in us to avoid this? Or could it be about maintaining a sizable Christian population? Paul said “Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires” and “The mind governed by the flesh is death”. Paul never married or had children, and he had one of the greatest ministries ever, many Christians who didn’t marry or have children did, I doubt Mother Theresa would have managed to dedicate her life to helping others the way she did if she’d had a husband and children to look after. If you don’t have children you will be able to dedicate more time to ministry, more people will be saved, this will reduce the number or non Christians on the Earth, isn’t that what we want? Isn’t that the goal? Why therefore are we being selfish and caring so much about creating a family we can dedicate most of our time to instead?
Men and women who stay childless and single (or just childless) can achieve much more in life in the service of God than those who have children, they can spend more time trying to save those who are lost. When you get married and/or have children you need to serve you’re spouse/children, your life decisions will henceforth be dictated by them, how can you serve God with your whole heart when you need to serve your family? Jesus said:
“No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” (Matthew 6:24 NIV)
Is it not the same for family? Can you fully serve God with your whole heart and serve your husband/wife/children? If you want to be fully dedicated to serving God and doing his will then you need to stay single and childless. This is not just my opinion, Paul wrote exactly this:
“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.” (1 Corinthians 7:32-35 NIV)
“So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.” (1 Corinthians 7:38)
Hell is real, it’s terrible, and according to Jesus
“But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.” (Matthew 7:14 NIV).
Every time you bring a child into the world you risk them ending up in hell, you can’t guarantee their salvation. Do you really want to live with the knowledge that you created people who you love with your whole heart that will end up being tortured for all eternity? This is a risk for anyone, it is especially a risk for those married to non Christians, please Christian men and women: Do not marry non Christians.
So Christian men and women, try, if you can, to not get married or have children – as long as you can do so without committing sexual immorality, because
“But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters and all liars—they will be consigned to the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death.” (Revelation 21:8 NIV)
We live in a world where sexual immorality is common place, it’s all around us, and thanks to contraception it is practiced with little consequence. I personally know more Christians who practiced sexual immorality before they were married than I know those who waited until they were married. Be of no doubt, God hates sexual immorality, sex is to be done within a devoted marriage only.
I write this because I would like to see a cultural shift within the Church, we should stop expecting ourselves and others to get married. I was at a church service today and the pastor spoke about how “God loves families”, maybe He does, but both Jesus and Paul talked about how staying single for the Kingdom of God was better (if you can manage it without committing sexual immorality). The Church needs to stop looking down on women (and men – but it’s especially happening to women) who stay single, as if it’s because she is flawed and undesirable – instead of a woman devoted to God. Christian women, you need to stop judging your success in life on whether you’re married or how many children you have. Having children is not a sign of success, anyone can have a child, many do who shouldn’t, it should not validate you, it should not give your life meaning, if your life doesn’t have meaning as a single woman then that’s a reflection on you, don’t add children to it, having children is a terrible and selfish way to try and add happiness and meaning to your life. Your life should have meaning as a single woman: to serve God, is there any greater purpose or meaning in life than this?
I’m also writing this because I want to ask, why are ANY of us having children (not just Christians)? Are you grateful to your parents that you were born? Do we think we’re doing our children a FAVOUR by creating them (even knowing what they have to go through, in this life and the next)? No, we have children because they are beautiful, sweet and give us unconditional love, we have children because of what we get out of the arrangement, we don’t care what it does to the children, about how they end up. If we were truly compassionate people we would not have children. If you want unconditional love, get a dog, having children is selfish.